I've been thinking about this question lately, especially after retaking Magick of the Ritual Master this year.

For a long time, becoming a Ritual Master seemed like a very far-fetched thing to me. I thought it was cool and I wanted to know more. But whoever I asked would tell me that I would learn when I was ready. "I am strong. I am ready," I thought to myself. Very confidently. Very ignorantly. You don't know what you don't know.

After Healers Academy, I thought I still had a lot to integrate, and that I would take this step when the time was right. Looking back, I can see that this was also another way of escaping what I was meant to do.

What I saw in the Ritual Masters

I had met Ritual Masters in the school by then, and there was something about them I couldn't quite explain. They were normal people. They had families, they laughed, they had fun. But there was a certain clarity and composure about them. They carried themselves with dignity and certainty, and they seemed deeply grounded in their energy. They could be making the most foolish jokes one minute, and then suddenly have a straight face and hold the energy for the work. I thought that was a bit exaggerated. But what did I know?

And they knew things. Especially about God, unseen beings and Magick — things I was deeply interested in.

What I thought a warrior was

The funny part is that I thought I already knew what a Ritual Master was, or what a warrior was. I grew up around boys, boxing and wrestling, so I knew what strength, fighting and competition looked like. I thought I had warrior energy inside me and that I simply needed to direct it towards something good.

Haha. No, Diana. Here, have some patience.

I didn't understand what it meant to be a Warrior of the Light, an important aspect of the Ritual Master. It took me quite some time to understand that it isn't about fighting, being angry, keeping people away, or constantly finding something to stand against. It is about doing what needs to be done because it is the right thing to do. For everyone, not just for the few. And that requires a different kind of strength.

The discipline I was afraid of

For me, a big part of that was discipline. I was actually afraid of discipline. I wanted freedom, but I didn't understand what freedom really meant. I wanted to stay young forever, like Peter Pan. I didn't want a normal life with all the responsibilities that came with it.

Whenever something became difficult, part of me was already looking for a way out. I was doing the same thing with money, with my life in general, with my relationships. I was constantly trying to figure out how to escape, how to create another reality for myself. There was a period when I didn't even know anymore what was real and what was an illusion I had created for myself — especially during the time when I was smoking.

I thought I wanted freedom. What I was really doing was running away. And running away from life doesn't bring much joy.

It took me a while to understand that structure can actually make you more free. Discipline can give you more freedom, more happiness, and more space to actually live your life. This was one of the things the Ritual Master path brought straight to the surface for me.

Carrying the knowledge, not just wanting it

Because I wanted the knowledge. I wanted to understand Magick. I wanted to know more about God. But I didn't yet understand what it meant to carry that energy and knowledge.

High Ritual Magick is not something to play with. Now I understand: it is about learning to work with sacred tools in service of humanity, and to support bringing more Light into the physical world. That requires responsibility. And responsibility has a habit of making you look at yourself again and again.

On the first day of my Ritual Master training, our teacher asked us why we were there. My answer was: "I want to take all the illusion that I created for myself and cut through it, so I can see the real me." I didn't have a better explanation at the time. I just knew I was ready to look deeper within. Looking back, I think that was exactly what I needed.

RM1 was mind-blowing. RM2 even more. Receiving my Ritual Master name, together with everything that came through energetically, is something I still don't really know how to describe. Only now, looking back, can I see how much every step prepared me for the next one.

What changed

My discernment became stronger. My head became clearer. My ability to say no became stronger. My capacity to serve became more precise.

And it changed the way I carry myself in the world too. I became more elegant. More refined. More attentive to details. I started understanding that the way you present yourself, the way you speak, the way you treat your surroundings, the way you enter a room, the way you hold your energy — even the little things you normally wouldn't think twice about — they all matter.

There is something Royal about it. Not royalty as status or superiority, but the dignity and responsibility of knowing what you carry. And caring.

And now I understand something I noticed in those first Ritual Masters long before I had the words for it. The elegance I saw in them wasn't simply about appearance. It was the result of an inner discipline.

Radu's part in this story

Radu was also a big part of this story. When I met him in Brazil, I was in Healers and he was taking Warriors of Light. I was still looking for the Knights Templar back then. Little did I know that I was already much closer to what I was searching for than I could imagine. So many things came together when I finally decided to take this initiation. And now, after walking through it, I can honestly say that I was more ready than my mind wanted me to admit.

Retaking it this year

This year, I retook Magick of the Ritual Master, and I was surprised by how much more I could receive from the teachings. The teachings had been there before. I had changed. I could understand more. I could see more. I could actually use more of what was being taught.

That is probably one of the things I appreciate most about this path — you don't just collect knowledge. Life keeps showing you whether you can actually embody it. You cannot keep asking for more Light and more knowledge while refusing to look at the parts of yourself that cannot carry it. The negative ego has to be transformed constantly. You have to keep choosing what is right over what is comfortable, what serves over what feeds your own importance. That is much harder than I thought. And much more beautiful and rewarding too.

Huge gratitude to Sovereign Ipsissimus Dave Lanyon for keeping these teachings alive, and for the way he teaches and transmits the keys to self-mastery. I am very grateful I didn't postpone this.

I thought I was looking for knowledge, for the ultimate secret of the universe. I thought I was looking for freedom. Along the way, I realized I was actually looking for myself.

In service, I found myself. It is a huge blessing to walk this Path.

More about the Ritual Master path